Mind Yer Heid is an independent, nonprofit mental health magazine, publishing personal, professional and hybrid stories of mental health.

Power Nap

I arrive in a broken state
My mind speaking in a language I cannot translate. 
I express my distress
Choosing to confess the thoughts I suppressed
As I begin to digress,
Scared that my trust will combust.
Scatter as dust.

Three hospital admissions in quick succession,
The masking effect of neutral facial expressions
intrusion confusion delusion 
Belief that power brings deception and collusion.
What if I don’t know the answer to your question?
Appearing dismissive of your suggestions.

White noise screaming and thunderous shouting
Sprawled across the foot of a mountain
Drowning in the sea
Current swallowing me
Coughed to a falling tree
No nearby trace,
The missing key. 

Every month I was presenting,
A&E staff documenting
The torturous
Consuming feelings to which I did not consent.  
They say that there is nothing they can do for my condition,
Doubting the usefulness of hospital admission.
EUPD seems to eclipse so much hurting from your vision
Numerous hospital admissions.
A consultant in this field
Has that final decision.

I agree with my diagnosis of EUPD
But my mind is also plagued with symptoms you refuse to see. 
Your initials give you power over me
Despite me having speech that is free.  
My voice box appears lost,
my spoken word being the cost.

It's time to #DumpTheScales

How NHS Mental Health Services Destroyed My Life